HO HO HO MOTHER FUCKERS! It's that time of year we all buy shit we don't need with money we don't have. What do we do with this shit? We give it to people who don't want it with the expectation they will also give us shit we don't want. When spring cleaning comes along it's all going in the trash. Santa is the big fat bourgeoisie and the elf's are child wage slaves in third world countries controlled by foreign entities who are definitely not located in israel. So remember children: christmas isn't about getting gifts, it's about socially pressuring your smelly family into pretending to enjoy the overpriced shit you got them.

Christmas being a day for jesus? Shut up you fucking nerd! Back in ye old times christmas was a time of year for people to get wasted and fuck! This often ended in orgies and/or arson both of which were done drunker than a sailor going through a midlife crisis. Though unlike a sailor, no protection was used. This is how cops were invented. Aka the destroyers of fun. They are big enough party poopers that the reason they came into existence was to make christmas boring and now we have to suffer from them all year long. Dam christians! Now that we can't burn cities down during drunken orgies new christmas traditions have popped up, buying things!

Remember children: christmas isn't about jesus and drunken activities you will regret rest of the year, it's about fattening up old porky. The banks, hollywood, and israelian missile dealers have spent all year doing great things for you so why not give back for once? While your at it don't forgot to donate to your local christian non-profit so poor people can be helped under the totally not peer-pressured "optional" requirement of converting.

HO HO HO and marry hanukkah christmas!