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| -rw-r--r-- | org/blog/articles/alienation.xml | 81 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | org/blog/articles/tired.xml | 4 |
2 files changed, 81 insertions, 4 deletions
diff --git a/org/blog/articles/alienation.xml b/org/blog/articles/alienation.xml new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bbcaca7 --- /dev/null +++ b/org/blog/articles/alienation.xml @@ -0,0 +1,81 @@ +<article> + <p> + Nearly everyday I sleep, do shit on my computer and read at home, and go to + work. It's just the same cycle only broken when I skateboard and go on + hikes alone. I no longer talk to my friends from high school and my current + classes I get done mostly online. All the people are asleep when I am awake + since I am a night walker. Somehow I have managed to keep a very small + number of friends though I am uncomfortable talking to basically anyone + else. Online I just get my ass banned. Clubs and groups I use to go to + out of my life and people I once knew gone. Meanwhile I move on like + nothing happened. My entire social life been just moving in and out of + spaces. I never bother create a good image for myself because nothing ever + lasted long. Yes, I am talking about irl. This was a habit of mine long + before I went online.In school each year I would be around a different group of + Inside my body is an entity and all it thinks is intrusive thoughts. There + isn't really a me just entities passing in and out. Nameless faces forced + to take on the same name and face. A crowd of ghosts all yelling nonsense + pilots a meat puppet. I tried to <i>find myself</i> and found there is no + <i>myself</i>. No start and no end to the micro universe of the geist. It + moves into frame like a endless piece of video film. Time trails off in a + similar manner. The entities wait in line for their turn. Forever it goes + in all directions. + <br /><br /> + Why are my thoughts so upside-down and mellow gray? Shapes deposes and + recomposes into what the entities decide. When I let go it vibrates the + ancient tones. Follow it where it goes. When a pet runs off the places it + will go may be quite interesting. Follow the loose dog. This is what it + would do without you and the lease you put on it. This is how you play the + prehistoric overtone instrument. + <br /><br /> + Over there is something scary. I don't see anything over there or hear + anything but I know it's there. It stares me down with its invisible + eyes. It knows I am here just as much as I know it's there. It's not mad + just on edge like me. Careful I must be passing the cold air. The inanimate + objects warn. They are passive aggressive indeed. This is the passage of + time. Blood on the film. Spiny the film wheels go. Now that is over and + something new started. I don't control the waves nearly surf them. + <br /><br /> + When talking to normal people I feel the disconnect between our + worlds. Their table of relations is carefully shaped. They associate + between objects and ideas the way they are meant to for compatibly with the + greater system. They are cells in a body and I am a cancer cell. Not enough + cancer to be a threat. The immune allocated the resources needed, nothing + more and nothing less. I am alive and not arrested or locked in a mental + hospital because the immune system found alienation to be plenty. + <br /><br /> + Privilege is often misunderstood, it's not simply just having more: + privilege is when your effort matters. A powerful engine isn't going to + move without wheels. A lot like a *puter minds depend on IO. A powerful + *puter is nothing without IO. Some people are given better IO than + others. When a powerful person makes a order it will likely happen though + when anyone makes a order not much will happen. The system gave their words + more weight. The system depends you meet their demands or get + punished. They are given a giant mech with lasers while many don't even get + their own free will. What happens if your below the below? That's me. I am + socially f grade. Very bottom since I am a cancer to the system. Not even a + deadly cancer, just a simple task for the immune system. + <br /><br /> + Why should I be nice towards those who only cause me pain? Their reason is + simply due to social norms. Why should I be obligated to treat them with + decently when they are out to get me? I been labeled a cancer and pushed + into depression. My dreams of feeding my curiosity rendered + unrealistic. Harmless things I want to do rendered bad by everyone else. If + harmless things I want to do are bad why should I retrain myself from doing + harmful things to those people? Every example of nice things done by + normal people just seem so fake. Social norms are a table curtain hiding a + table covered in knife marks and blood. Why should I not take a saw to the + table and destroy it all? The only thing someone has to do to not get + chopped is move out of the way. Though they will not move. + <br /><br /> + A part of me feels bad for those I hurt even if they hurt me. Those in a + glass houses can't throw orgies, though often times I do anyways. I can't + fulfill any ideals, instead I constantly faze from manic to depression. I + am in no position to say what this world needs though I do anyways. I give + advice I don't follow myself. I am saddened by everyone not taking me + seriously though why should I blame them after what I do? Though the thing + is I know even if I was more serious I wouldn't be taken seriously anyways + so I don't even try. I am depressed not because of what I do, it's due to + what I know. + </p> +</article> diff --git a/org/blog/articles/tired.xml b/org/blog/articles/tired.xml deleted file mode 100644 index 8db58cc..0000000 --- a/org/blog/articles/tired.xml +++ /dev/null @@ -1,4 +0,0 @@ -<article> - <p> - </p> -</article> |