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|
#+TITLE: ·wiikifox's den: about me
#+AUTHOR: ·marlo "wiikifox" alfonso díaz
#+LANGUAGE: en
* principles
:PROPERTIES:
:CUSTOM_ID: principles
:END:
if there's a single constant in my identity, is that my identity isn't
constant. however, certain ideals have become a permanent part of me.
** freedom
:PROPERTIES:
:CUSTOM_ID: freedom
:END:
freedom is the inherent right of every living being --- may it be fulfilled or
not. my freedom ends where other's start, so nothing that i do should limit what
you can, nor viceversa.
** equity
:PROPERTIES:
:CUSTOM_ID: equity
:END:
equity levels the ground where we exert our freedom, acting as a countermeasure
to the inherent inequality of life. equity gives the everyone the tools they
might need to achieve what others can without them.
** creativity
:PROPERTIES:
:CUSTOM_ID: creativity
:END:
creativity is the way we enjoy this level ground: when you're free from any
burden, what else is there to do but to create, and enjoy the creations of
others? art, creation, is the essence of what makes us human.
** chaos
:PROPERTIES:
:CUSTOM_ID: chaos
:END:
chaos is the source of creativity, the spark that ignites the creational fire
within us, chaos is what drives a free, burdenless life. nothing lasts forever,
everything changes --- even memories do.
** playfulness
:PROPERTIES:
:CUSTOM_ID: playfulness
:END:
playfulness is the embrace of chaos, the acceptance that life doesn't make
sense, and doesn't need to. do what makes you happy, let others do what makes
them happy. enjoy life, since we don't know what comes next.
* the story of my life
:PROPERTIES:
:CUSTOM_ID: life-story
:END:
i was born in the city of ·cienfuegos, ·cuba, on march of _2009_. however, i'd say
that my life started much, much later, somewhere between september and november
of _2023_. and why? --- you might ask. well, it's not a short story.
my family was your typical nuclear family: me, my mother, and my father. my
father was a reckless man, gave his life to pleasure without fear of
consequences. he lost his right leg to smoking before i was born, some sort of
arterial disease. his left leg followed years later, when i was _9_ or _10_ years
old. his heart was next, when i was _11_, as he was driving home after visiting
me --- my parents were divorced at that point, and i lived with my mother and
stepfather in another city.
my mother, on the other hand, was a very different kind of person. she was ---
and still is to this day -- a ·jehovah's witness, and raised me as such. if you
haven't heard about ·jehovah's witnesses before, you just need to know that
they're a high control religion, or --- as anyone who's left likes to call it
--- a *cult*.
** growing up as a ·jehovah's witness
:PROPERTIES:
:CUSTOM_ID: jws
:END:
being raised in a cult made it take control over my entire life pretty
fast. where even thought is regulated, there's no room for individuals, only the
hive mind of "brothers and sisters" that comprise the community. i spent my
childhood behind a mask, which i eventually forgot i was wearing.
when i first got my hands on the internet, i started by following the advice
given at the time by /the society/ (the headquarters of ·jehovah's witnesses):
avoiding contact with anyone i didn't know personally (i.e. other witnesses),
online discussion spaces (i.e. forums and the like), /apostate/ material
(i.e. anything talking against the religion), among other things. but
i grew curious, i started to ask myself /what/ was beyond the garden wall, which
led me to try out social media for the first time.
i found a place in the furry fandom, which slowly challenged the queerphobia
that is characteristic in the cult. *cognitive dissonance* started itching.
** a ray of light
:PROPERTIES:
:CUSTOM_ID: light
:END:
i stumbled upon free software and its ideals pretty fast, and under a year of
owning my first computer i already was running linux and writting software, i
was 13 or 14 years old. computers have always drawn my attention, and it really
felt liberating to use my computer on my own terms. i migrated from ·twitter to
the ·fediverse, before dropping social media altogether. social media overall
was and is a source of stress for me, but it gave me the closest i had to real
world connections --- outside of the cult, that is. *cognitive dissonance* started
burning.
** ·unix.dog: the end of the beggining
:PROPERTIES:
:CUSTOM_ID: unix.dog
:END:
one day, scrolling through some profiles, i found a link to something i had
never heard about before: a pubnix, a shared unix system; i found a link to
[[https://unix.dog][·unix.dog]]. i filled in the form, submitted my application, and a few weeks
later, i was in.
·unix.dog offered an ·xmpp server, where i joined and met other members of the
pubnix. i started to branch out to other places on the network, meeting people
that changed my life a lot. i remember a conversation with someone in a group
chat which impacted me a lot, even if i refused to believe it did then. he was
surprised to find a ·jehovah's witness on a furry ·xmpp groupchat. i agreed to
have my beliefs challenged, and he didn't fail at it. i heard for the first time
of all the atrocities the ·watchtower organization had made, and very good
arguments against my whole belief system. i ignored him at first, as my "bible
trained concience" told me to do; but the seed was planted. *cognitive
dissonance* started hurting.
** cognitive dissonance
:PROPERTIES:
:CUSTOM_ID: cognitive-dissonance
:END:
what does it mean? cognitive dissonance happens when you hold different,
opposing thoughts and beliefs in your mind. for me, i "knew" i was in the /one
true religion™/, but also knew all the stuff that was wrong with it. i "knew"
that homosexuality was a bad thing, but also was friends with lots of queer
people. i "knew" that the ·watchtower society was always right, but also knew
all the times that they've backtracked in their decisions several times. i
"knew" a lot of stuff, while knowing a lot of other stuff.
cognitive dissonance is a feeling that lingers in the back of your head, and
grows stronger and stronger over time. i slowly started to question everything,
to be more skeptical towards everything. i realized that the "truth" that i
believed in my whole life was nothing but a scam, a very cruel and elaborate
scam.
with time, pain and the great help of my friends, i deconstructed my beliefs, my
sexuality, and at last: my gender.
** ·queer-spark.org: current affairs
:PROPERTIES:
:CUSTOM_ID: queer-spark.org
:END:
if unix.dog helped me find my freedom, [[https://www.queer-spark.org/en/][·queer spark]] taught me what to do with
it, it taught me how to help others to find it too. i learned about ·queer spark
when it was still called ·jabbering queer, a small ·xmpp server for queer
folks. it was a safe space to deconstruct and vent, a nice place to hang out. as
a sample of gratitude, now i help as a volunteer in the project with any help i
can offer, i'd love to see it thrive even more.
|
